Last year my mom started a new tradition. For Christmas she buys us plane tickets to NYC and we take a girls only trip. Yesterday was day one. Here's what's happened so far.
We left for the airport at 430am Friday morning. My sister Alexa decided to skip sleeping all together. I got about 2 hours, my mom and Courtney had 3-4 hours. Recently, Alexa has developed really bad anxiety when she flies. She went to Vegas in May and threw up in a bag right before they landed. So at the airport she took a low dose Xanax, prescribed not from a drug dealer, and went to sleep.
When we landed she was out of it. She was Bob Marley relaxed. Times 5. While we were on the subway she fell asleep, her hand lowered and her hot green tea landed upside down on the seat next to her and soaked Courtney. Like I said, low dose but the kid weighs 80lbs on a good day so it took her right down.
I usually have a phenomenal sense of direction in NYC. I don't need maps or phones I can get us anywhere. Except for yesterday. I was so tired I couldn't find my way out of the hotel lobby. And fuck google maps. They get us so mixed up we walked in a circle and one point. My feet have never hated me so bad in all my 25 years of life. I have to go buy sneakers today just so I can walk again.
I will never visit time square again in all my life. We only went to get the kids something from Toys R Us. I should've waited until I got off the plane and ran to Walmart. There are so many people there you can barely move. It makes me want to become a bull and plow through every picture taking asshole so I can get to my destination. The people dressed up in costumes make me want to throat punch them. Here's $10 let me take a picture with your smelly ass costume that barely resembles whatever the fuck it is you're trying to be. People waste so much money on that shit.
New this year were girls wearing thongs with NYC painted on their asscheeks and the flag painted on their huge sloppy boobs. I like to believe they were collecting money for a boob lift because those suckers hung lower than a 90 year old mans balls. They each had their group of pimps standing behind them and after every picture they would go hand the boss the money. They would rub on people with their dirty hands as they walked by to get attention. I saw one play with the hair of a small child. If that were my kid I woulda knocked her off those stripper shoes right on her fucking flat pancake ass.
Stayed tuned. Today is day 2. Heading to the BK, Brooklyn!
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