Go The Fuck To Sleep. Read By Samuel L Jackson

There's a strict bedtime routine in the Ranalli residence. I don't fuck around when it's time to get out of my hair for 12 hours. It somehow never goes according to plan. Baths start around 7:30pm, cereal at 8pm and bedtime by 830pm. The stalling starts around 8:10pm but that mother fucker is plotting by 7pm. "Mommy I want daddy's cereal in daddy's red bowl with a spoon and milk." Next is "Mommy can I have an apple? No skin and not in a circle."  "Mommy can we play for a little while" and lastly "Can I have a sip of milk?" Can we say OCD?? Its the same lines every night. Then he requests his fathers presence to watch a movie. Here's where I refuse to partake. Don takes each kid up stairs so I can start the clean up. Teeth get brushed, then Harlow goes in her room first. She knows what's about to go down across the hall so she loses her shit, screams and cries for 10-30 minutes then falls asleep. God forbid she misses something. I chant the words to Go the Fuck to Sleep read by Samuel L Jackson and I keep the monitor off until the howling stops.

Cash then takes his Nabi, Don's phone for some dumb ass game, and pops in a movie for the 45 minute "Daddy will you watch a movie with me" bull shit. Since Cash was a baby giant, Don has rocked him to sleep. Not me Don. I finally had to put my foot on his nuts and make him stop. "You're going to have to rock him to sleep until hes 15 and that would be awkward." How in the fuck am I supposed to marry him off if daddy still has to rock him to bed at 45 years old? No grown ass man with daddy issues is living in my basement until I die. Finally it stopped for a while. We would lay Cash down with a movie, yes he watches a movie when he goes to bed. Before you judge me, yes I know he won't go into REM sleep, yes I know he could have nightmares, yes I know he will never be fully rested. Well guess what FUCK YOU. I don't do whining and crying. And I'm not going to listen to a child who is 3 times the size of normal kids his age wail like a newborn and wake the hormonal baby up across the hall. Fuck no. Just as we had him trained to go to bed on his own Don fucked it up. He started laying with him and then that whole routine started.

I will let a child cry. When Harlow wakes up and cries for mommy I let her go as long as I can before I get annoyed then I lie and tell Don, "You're daughter is crying for you" and he runs right up to save his baby girl. SUCKER! Besides Cash will be up my ass at 6:30am. Take one or two for the team Donald!